Sunday, April 29, 2012

I'm Back

Yes it's been a while and in typical male fashion...I forgot to call, or post for that matter.
RT was a blast. I met a lot of new people and saw many friends I only see once a year.
The readers I met were great. I handed out a LOT of flash buttons but didn't get to flash anyone. I guess the law calls that indent exposure.

I plan to post a bunch of the pictures and send out the bag of goodies I picked up.
My DAWN also informed me I need to resend a package a winner of a contest didn't get.
I hate it when my package gets lost. Nothing sadder tan a man misplacing his package. That's why my wife puts mine in the freezer next to the frozen peas and carrots.

Long story.
So keep a look out for more posts about things.

I did have a question though.
The big topic at RT was the "50 SHADES OF GREY" books.
Have any of you read the book and what are your thoughts on it?
I'd love to hear about it.



A woman pregnant with triplets is walking down the street when a masked robber runs out the bank and shoots her three times in the stomach. 
Luckily the babies are okay. 
The surgeon decides to leave the bullets in because it's too risky to operate. 
All is fine for 16 years, and then one daughter walks into the room in tears. "What's wrong" asks the mother. 
"I was taking pee and this bullet came out" replies the daughter. 
The mother tells her it's okay and explains what happened 16 years ago. About a week later the second daughter walks in to the room in tears. "Mom, I was taking pee and this bullet came out". Again the mother tells her not to worry and explains what happened 16 years ago. 
A week later the boy walks into the room in tears. "It's okay" says the mom, "I know what happened, you were taking a pee and a bullet came out." 
"No," says the boy, "I was jerking off and I shot the dog."


A man returns from the doctor and tells his wife that the doctor has told him he has only 24 hours to live. Given this prognosis, the man asks his wife for sex. Naturally, she agrees, and they make love. 
About six hours later, the husband goes to his wife and says, "Honey, you know I now have only 18 hours to live. Could we please do it one more time?" Of course, the wife agrees, and they do it again.
Later, as the man gets into bed, he looks at his watch and realizes that he now has only 8 hours left. He touches his wife shoulder, and asks, "Honey, please...just one more time before die." She says, "Of course, Dear," and they make love for the third time. 
After this session, the wife rolls over and falls asleep. The man, however, worried about his impending death, tosses and turns, until he's down to 4 more hours. 
He taps his wife, who rouses. "Honey, I have only 4 more hours. Do you think we could..." 
At this point the wife sits up and says, "Listen, I have to get up in the morning. You don't!"

Monday, April 9, 2012

I'm HERE, not there, but HERE

That's right. I'm at the RT convention and looking to get a big ol goodie bag full of swag for ONE lucky person. I am hunting down Anne Rainey and Karen Erickson also to sign our TAHOE NIGHTS book also.

So let's have a little contest to give away something fun.

To enter is easy.
Answer this question on this blog and be entered to win.

Where would you like the Romantic Times Conference to be?

See simple, just name a place you'd like the conference to be held and you're entered.

Hawaii or Aruba would be nice but I don't think they'd do it.

Don't forget if you see me to ask me to FLASH you.
Us perverts like showing off.

Take care and spread the word.
I want a LOT of entries.


Can't help it, love jokes

Harry and his wife are having hard financial times, so they decide that she'll become a hooker. She's not quite sure what to do, so Harry says, "Stand in Front of that bar and pick up a guy. Tell him that you charge a hundred bucks. Any questions, I'll be parked around the corner."

She's standing there for 5 minutes when a guy pulls up and asks, "How much?" She says, "One hundred dollars." He says, "All I got is thirty". She says, "Hold on," and runs back to Harry and asks, "What can he get for thirty?" "A hand job," Harry replied.

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for thirty quid is a hand job. He agrees. She gets in the car. He unzips his trousers, and out pops a HUGE smooth and very beautiful penis!

She stares at it for a minute, and then says, "I'll be right back."She runs back to Harry.

"What's wrong?" he asks, "Any chance you could lend this guy seventy bucks?!"

Thursday, April 5, 2012

It's coming...stand back

Next week is RT.
One of my favorite conferences.
It's all about the thing I like.
Writing, eating bad food, art, lectures and hanging out in a bar until closing and talking to people about how all the sex scenes you write really happened.

I see my friends, authors, people I work with and mainly all the readers.
I LOVE talking to readers about what they like about the books.
You are all the reason why I write.

So remember if you see me there ask me to flash you.
That's right, I'm going to be there flashing people.
Hopefully the cops won't mind.

You'll all see what I mean when there.

I'm so excited.


After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past.

"C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?"

"Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".

Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her.

"Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13..

A husband and wife were sitting watching a TV program about psychology when he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, I bet you can't tell me something that will make me happy and sad at
the same time."

She said, "You have a bigger dick than all of your friends."